Job Interview

[A man has applied for a job as a writer. He has been led into an office and asked to pitch some ideas.]

"Yes, well I have a few ideas. Lemme see. Okay, the story goes like this" -

"The proverb?"

"It's not really a proverb. It's more of a story."

"Oh. Okay."

"Well, there's this man, and he's a glutton. He loves to eat. He eats everything he can afford to eat. Savory foods, sweets, the whole shabang."

"So he's a fat guy."

"Yeah, probably. But that's not the point. He wants to be eating all the time. This man is just addicted to food."

"So the fat guy likes to eat. What's the point in that?"

"The point - The point is something happens to him. He ends up being able to taste whatever he wants just by thinking about it and chewing. You see, his deepest desire is realized. If he wants crabcake - POOF - he feels and tastes crabcake in his mouth. If the thought of a chilled martini to wash down the crabcake crosses his mind he instantly gets the flavor and feeling of it. Every whim of the gourmet variety is instantly realized for him. He luxuriates in his new gift, and soon he begins to lose all of his will to feed himself any food of substance. Whenever he starts to think that perhaps his body may require some food he tastes whatever delicacy is bouncing around in his subconscious mind. Eventually he becomes a useless wreck, wallowing constantly in imagined culinary bliss until ultimately he dies of dehydration."

"No kidding."

"Sorry?"

"I'd have expected him to starve if he weren't eating. I guess that's the irony of your proverb."

"It's not a proverb" -

"Of course. So why doesn't he drink something?"

[a pause]

"Well, for the same reason he doesn't eat anything. His desires are instantly satisfied. If he wants a glass of water he feels himself drink one, and then he no longer wants one."

"Hmmm." ----- "And what makes that happen?"

"Well, we don"t know. I think the story is more compelling if that's left up to the reader."

----- "Kind of asking a lot of your reader to leave finishing the story up to him, isn't it?"

----- "Well, I" -

"We're looking for a clearer message for this thing here. We're shooting for something that'll hit people and stick to 'em. Why don't you try trimming it down a little?"

"If I may sir, how long would you like the story?"

"Well, I myself like proverbs, you know? They're quick and to the point - like 'don't piss in the wind' and 'does the pope shit in the woods'. Try writing it as a proverb."

"But I can't write a proverb."

"Bullshit! 'If you're thirsty, get to pourin' the water'. There's your story."

"But in order for that to be a proverb, everyone would have to have been saying it for so long that no one can remember where it came from. That's what a proverb is!"

"Don't tell me what a proverb is. Show me what a proverb is."

----- "Do you mean, like, with a diagram?"

"Look son, if you want this job you've got it."

"Really?"

"Yep - you just have to give me a proverb. Spit one out right now."

"Right now?"

"No time like the present."

"Okay." ----- "A bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush."

"No, no - you didn't write that. Let's hear something new."

"I'm sorry sir, I thought you meant" -

"Go ahead when you're ready"

[a long pause]

"Okay - here goes." ----- "To stop wanting is to stop living." ----- "Sir?"

"I'm not sure what it means."

"Alright. I'm sorry to waste your time" -

"But what does it matter if I 'understand' it? It's short and I like it. It's decisive." ----- "Welcome aboard."

"What?"

"You've got the job. You start" [checks his watch] "twenty-six seconds ago. Right when you came up with that fabulous proverb. I really admire your work. Heady stuff."

[handshake]

"Thank you sir."

"No. Thank you."